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Oct

27

2011

The Unified Code of Morning Measurements (aka A Little Something I wrote)

Wherein we measure the earliest hours of the day by the list of figures found on the inside flap of a Trapper Keeper.
 
  • 4 smooth sheets to an Oversleep
  • 2 cold hands to a FanOn
  • When speaking of stomachs, 1 LateSnack is said to equal 9 stone.
  • Laundry as obstacle is only considered such when it can be measured in cubic feet like a snow drift or landfill. Otherwise, please refer to as “a hillock of laundry”
  •  Trips to the bathroom may be measured in feet (bare or socked), yards (hopefully not back or front) but only rods or gallons if you’re being really gross.
  • The number of pints input is directly proportional to number of Regrets (Chemical Symbol OhNo) output.
  • Good Intentions (Gis) decrease as Snooze Bars (Sbs) increase. A dozen or more Sbs is commonly referred to as a Pathetic.
 
  • 8 hours = 1 Success 
          7 hours = 3/4 of an Adequate
 
          6 hours = 1 basket case
 
          5 hours = 1 bushel (i.e. 2) bakset cases.
 

  • In olden times a “Sundown” was equal to a null set of Work. All that has changed.  

 


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