Some Thoughts on the Oscars:

Some thoughts on the Oscars after 24-hours of marination.

1. The host sets the tone: The Oscars bored you to death last year partly because hobbits had overrun the joint. The rest of it was Billy Crystal not realizing how charmless and unfunny he has become while playing anyone other than a cartoon character. As host, Crystal moved the show along with the alacrity of your deaf uncle playing charades on the first night of Hannukah. You wanted to yell "Just get to the damn presents!"

Which is why this year felt swift, jabby and wound a little tight, like a Chris Rock comedy special.  Rock set the tone by telling his standing ovation "Sit your asses down." Meaning there would be no tearful speeches, no "Yay Hollywood!" film montages, no stupid presenter banter once he took the reigns. He broke all those rules a little bit but only a little. The program clocked in at 3 1/4 hours, a full 45 minutes shorter than last year.

2. Clint Eastwood on life support: Like I've said before, while everyone I know was calling Mystic River "A Greek Tragedy on par with Oedipus", I was calling it "powerfully flawed." While everyone I know and the lady at my dry cleaner was calling Million Dollar Baby "a knockout punch to the gut," I was saying "Only if you didn't see the last act coming, which I did. From outer space."

Not because I'm genius (boy how that has been disproven!) but because everyone seems to think that we have have simply not honored Clint Eastwood enough yet. He's won just about every award possible (a previous Best Director Oscar, an AFI Lifetime Achievement Award and the mayoral seat of Carmel to name a few) and is an icon of cinema, of American masculinity. But no, we need to make sure that he gets buried in gold trinkets like the Pharoah. So who cares that Million Dollar Baby is a good-but-not-great film? Not us as we yell "more, more" while kneeling before the buldge in his tuxedo pants.

3. Who gets the tickets? Some ace reporter/blogger needs to investigate precisely who gets a seat at the Oscars and who doesn't. The Kodak Theater aint Michigan Stadium. There's maybe 2,000 seats in the place. We get that famous people and nominees sit on the main floor so they can be cut to or climb up onstage but how do they decide that Oprah gets a ticket this year and isn't involved in the show one bit but Jack Nicolson (who was elected Mayor of the Oscars around 1983 in a secret ceremony and hasn't given up the office yet) was mysteriously absent? How did Lou Gossett Jr. (still smarting from too many Iron Eagles) and Spike Lee (wearing swimming goggles) end up there while box office titans like Tom Cruise and Will Smith don't?

Cintra Wilson argued that Oscar producer Gil Gates, aiming for a younger, hipper, and hence, not-all-white demographic, stocked the crowd with people of color. There's probably some truth to that but P Diddy? Wasn't he a youth favorite in like 1997? Jay Z is retired. Beyoncee' maybe but she actually had a job to do. 3 of them.

At this rate, plan next year to see Martin Scorcese sharing a knowing glance with Lil' Jon.

4. The Techie Ruse: Can we quit the stupid, patronizing charade of having a hot little under-30 actress host the "Scientific and Technical" awards and then reading a report card of it on Oscar night? Please tell me what Scarlett Johansson is doing hosting a ceremony that has awards like "Best use of a Steadycam" other than to give a bunch of techies an erection? Give that job to Harry Knowles or some other Ur-Geek. At least it would be honest.

5. Nobody pays attention to what the men wear: Ever.

Sunday Morning Shards #24:

On my mind and in the reading queue this week: The "Saturn Return" Edition:

*12 days until South by Southwest Interactive. I can't wait. This year my old college buddy Josh is coming alone. Are you?

*My friend Tara explained the concept of "Saturn Return" to me with I had heard about when I first moved to San Francisco from my cousin Amber. Very applicable to now even though I'm technically one year out of it.

*When I saw The Polyphonic Spree in concert last week as part of the Noise Pop festival, they announced that, after 3 continuous years on the road, they were "taking a break." with plans for some new music in the summer time. Beyond that, they were vague.

*I'm on page 237 of Lolita, 72 pages to go. This is the home stretch of more than 4 months of wrestling this brilliant difficult book to the ground. Almost there...

*My friend Jason Kottke has thus far raised about $4800 in his plan to blog full-time for a year. I've  become a Kottke.org micropatron.

*I'm trying out Quicksilver again after losing patience the first  time. I'm letting this tutorial guide me (via 43 Folders).

*Oscars are tonight. Allthough nobody really cares, I'm eager to see Chris Rock as host. My friend Dave (the Where There's Smoke film critic of record) has a complete set of predictions.

One Sentence Movie Reviews #26: "The Yes Men"

The Yes Men (2003): "A prank is only as compelling as the story of why it happened in the first place."

'Naked' as a Noun:

Lately I've been saying "The naked" when I mean "naked" as in "So you had the naked on the third date?" I think it works for me.

Staring You and Your Family:

What a neat idea. Reel Stories is a San Francisco firm of professional filmmakers (one of whom is a longtime WTS reader) that creates cinematic biographies of families for special events (birthdays, weddings, graduations, anniversaries) but instead of being a cheesy video of your aunt doing the Electric Slide, it's a movie, a documentary, starring you, about your life.

I dig it.

Kottke Goes Full-Time:

My friend Jason Kottke has decided to try to blog full time for a year. He's moved to a smaller apartment, downsized his budget and taken up collections on his site. He's raised nearly $5000 in slightly under 3 days.

This is a huge step for blogging. Jason runs one of the best traffics and most respected blogs so is in a position to try this experiment, the same way U2 and not 7 Mary 3 could launch the branded iPod. But he's not coasting on his celebrity. He's not specializing on one subject matter or text ads. Instead, he's making the boldest simplest statement possible: I'm good at blogging. Can I make a living at it?

Bravo Jason. I think we're going to look back on this as the day "blogging goes electric".

UPDATE: Articles in Wired News and Red Herring covering the decision.

#21: Grapes of Wrath:

So I've been making a sort-of-half-assed-not-really (SOHANR) attempt to watch all the films on AFI's Top 100 Films of all time. AFI put the list together in 1995 as a celebration of the 100th anniversary of cinema.

I had decided to make, say every 5th rental from Netflix, something from the Top 100 on the idea that I could run through it in six months or so.

That so didn't happen. Because I'm a big baby.

I have some juvenile tumor running loose inside me that says that anything "classic" will be soul-sucking drudgery and why should I bother and hey, isn't there an old Gilmore Girls episode on the Tivo?

But last weekend, I offered up a viewing of Grapes of Wrath (#21) to Suzan who had refused several times before (She knows herself better than I. When she isn't interested, she means it). This time she said yes.

Good movie. I've never read John Steinbeck's novel nor anything about the movie so I was in without a point of reference. I gather after seeing it that Grapes is one of cinema's great tributes to working people and New Deal FDRism (the cops, landlords and companies are all corrupt heathens, the government-run worker's camp is an oasis of brotherhood) but by golly, it earns it. The performances, Greg Toland's lyrical, silent cinematography and a screenplay that pushes itself forward as effortlessly as wind. This is a movie you "should" like but end up liking all on your own.

How do you feel about "classics?"

Jen for Sale:

My friend Jen Leo auctioned off a date with her on her blog with All the money bid going for Parkinson's disease research. Neat idea. I wonder if I could do the same here. Then again, I don't photograph this well. I'd probably have to start the bidding at, eh, a nickel?

Okay, Thanks:

For indulging me. I'm ready to get back to blogging now.

Call Me Lame-o:

Ok this is really lame, especially since I haven't posted in a few days and I didn't do "Shards" on Sunday. But facing yet another deadline on my book, it's all I have time for. So...

Following SloLane and Lucia's lead, please introduce yourself. Who are you? What brings you here? And how long have you been reading?

That orange Feedburner thing to the right has proven to be yet another web doodad to obsess over. How many readers does my feed have? Who loves me? Will Billy Callaway ask me to the Harvest Ball?

So I'm getting a reality check. Comment away...