VBT Completionist:

Danyel Smith is fine. Her last days of her Virtual Book Tour continue with a simply awesome interview here.

30 going on pathetic...

I saw 13 going on 30 last night, a flawed but sweet little film that made me cry at the end. This means a) I am no longer a man and b) I spent entirely too much time writing yesterday and the whole enterprise made me crazy in the head.

I'm choosing both.

What we mean when we talk about 'travel'...

In New York. Got in about 8 PM to Chateau Mom and Dad, dropped bags and took off down Broadway for a meal at Josie's. Got home just after 10, watched the remainder of The Iron Giant on my laptop which is a sweet little film. Then called Suzan and said goodnight.

Whenever I travel, which is a lot, I'm asked "How was your flight?" I rarely have a good answer for that. Well, I didn't crash over Nebraska so that was good. But my seatmate snored the whole trip and she wasn't even alseep. That's bad. Mostly I'm just glad it's over.

I hate air travel mostly because you have to divide your pleasures and pains into such tiny chunks. Am I really better for it that I got a handful of dried cherries instead of peanuts or that the kid behind me only shrieked occasionally instead of crying from takeoff to landing?

So I'd like someone to come up with a rating scale to measure the quality of air travel. We have the Airline Passenger Bill of Rights which mentions comfort briefly but focuses mostly on price and reliable information.

I'll be firm here. Price is not a measure of quality. The airline business is competitive as all get out with low-cost providers like Southwest and JetBlue leading the way. Keeping the discussion focused on price allows the airlines to divert your attention from being stacked like lumber in a metal tube hurling across the skies and thanking them for it.

So I'm going to to create this little scale here that you can use the next time you travel to answer that question "How was your flight?" It's completely based on the flight experience and has nothing to do with whether you received adequate information about connecting red eyes in Witchita.

Add up your points at the end.

1) Does you seat recline? +3 points

2) In doing so, does your seat cushion end up on the floor? -5 points?

3) Does you window shades open and shut without you breaking out into a sweat to do it? +2 points

4) Is the air conditioning already on when you enter the plane? +4 points

5) Does it not turn on and the captain or flight attendant makes a joke about how hot it is today? -7 points

6) When boarding, does the gate agent insist you board by row number (Good for them. Better I sit here at the gate reading Cosmo Girl than be trapped standing up on the plane when passenger 23B realizes their seat is 13F)? +1 point

7) In doing so, does every overhead bin fill up when only half the plane has boarded (There has to be some corrollation between the size of the bag you are allowed to check and the amount of space available for storage. And jamming it at my feet when my knees are already touching my ears doesn't count?) -6 points.

8) In something edible served on any flight over two hours? +2 points.

9) I said edible. -2 points

10) Do you show a movie on a transcontinental flight? +3 points

11) Old episodes of Dharma & Greg are not a movie. -1 point

12) Does the plane have more than one bathroom in coach class? +5 points.

13) Does a flight attendant scold you for "getting in their way" while you wait to use it? -8 points.

If the airline has done its job, you should have a positive score after taking this little quiz. And still have feeling below your knees.

Seen Thus Far at the San Francisco International Film Festival...

Recommended from what I've seen at the San Francisco International Film Festival, hopefully coming soon to a theatre near you.

+The Wild Parrots of Telegraph Hill: Documentary on a flock of wild parrots that live in the Telegraph Hill neighborhood and the man who takes care of them. Sweet, hopeful.

+Everyday People: Fiction film about a Jewish deli in Brooklyn closing down and the effect it will have on its employers, patrons and the community. Powerful, sad, and painfully relevant.

+Shirley Chisholm '72: Unbossed & Unbought. Shirley Chisholm was the first woman and person of color to run for president. This documentary looks at her campaign, a fascinating, charged, moment in American political history.

+God is Brazilian. God needs a vacation. He heads to Brazil looking for a stand-in while he's away. It take a while to find one.

Today at the VBT: An audioblog interview with Danyel thanks to George Kelly at his blog.

Audio is brand new for the tour. Thanks guys!

Discussion of the tour continues at Readerville.

A Record Passing:

Norris McWhirter, the noted British sports journalist who founded the Guinness Book of World Records with his brother Ross, has died from a heart attack. He was 78. Founded in 1954 and sponsored by the Guinness brewery as a promotional item to settle bar disputes, there are over 100 million copies of its various additions in print. McWhirter served as editor until 1986 and advisory editor until 1996 when he retired.

I have a special fondness for the GWR since they were the first books I checked out of my elementary school library when I was in the first grade in 1979. I would spend hours pouring over the feats of human endurance and oddity then go running throughout the house shrieking "Mom, Dad. Did you know that the world record for yawning is 8 straight months?"

In recent years, The Diageo corporation who owns the Guinness brand decided that old fat books needed a facelift. The blurry newspaper photographs were replaced by full-color spread and freak-show era records (like wearing a beard of bees) tossed out in scads. In the Guinness Book of the 21st century, no one eats a bicycle or tries to waterski across the Pacific Ocean. Records now are carefully manufactured for maximum star wattage. Instead of Most Successful Pop Music Artist (the passe' Elvis Presley), we get Most Top Ten Hits in the 1990's by an Artist Named Britney. Even the cover is now a swarm of sparkles and holograms, like the front panel of a jukebox.

No one said progress had charm.

On another note, The Virtual Book tour pulls into Zulkey.com. Discussion of the tour continues at Readerville.

Great Scott!

My buddy Scott Andrew recently has his first major gig, opening for Hollywood recording artist Josh Kelley. By all accounts, he rocked the house, which is the best news I've heard all day. I've been a fan of Scott's music for as long as we've been friends and it seems that, since moving to Seattle, his working musicianhood is blowing up all over the place, gigging like mad and having fans that come out to see him repeatedly.

To see a friend succeed at what they love is like seeing a dream come to life. And what, by gum, is cooler than that?

Today in History: The 20th of April...

April 20 is a day that haunts not just because only bad shit happened on this day in history (Columbine, Hitler's Birthday, the beginning of the Civil War) but because I moved into my house 2 years ago today. There's even a sad, haunting song by Oysterband called "20th of April."

These are times when I shouldn't believe in Karma.

VBT: Danyel Smith is interviewed at Pamie.com today.

Virtual Book Tour's Official Site.

Virtual Book Tour Discussion Thread at Readerville.

The Return of The Virtual Book Tour:

I'm pleased to begin another round of the Virtual Book Tour, this time featuring More Like Wrestling, the stunning debut novel by Danyel Smith. Danyel is a former editor at Vibe and Time and has written for The New Times, Spin and Rolling Stone.

Danyel will be blogging and getting interviewed throughout the web this week. You can see a complete tour at the spanking new Virtual Book Tour site, designed by Dreamsbay.

Discussion of the Virtual Book Tour, online book publicity, writing, journalism and music criticism will happen at a special discussion thread set up just for the tour by our friends at Readerville. Danyel has been in music and entertainment journalism for nearly 15 years so any aspiring writers should definitely stop by.

Why Didn't I Say That?

I got to meet one of my heroes Nelson George today after a screening at the San Francisco International Film Festival. Naturally, I made an ass of myself but he also seemed pulled in several different directions.

You'd think I'd be better at this by now.

There's Also Death:

With Senor Benton in town, Jane's BBQ this evening, the San Francisco International Film Festival in full swing, a Virtual Book Tour starting on Monday (shhh!), my piece for The Believer due at the end of the month and me leaving for New York a week for Monday, I think it's time to start hiring a personal staff of Umpa Loompas to keep track of my wheelings and dealings.

Suzan thinks its easy if I make lists and use a calendar. I prefer to crawl under the bed and weep. Or run headfirst into a bank vault door.